Tinsel Town Comrades

Star Jones Gay Husband Swallows Massive Amounts of Semen

2005-10-31T14:07:00.000-08:00

Star Jones gay husband was detained for driving without a vaild license. Once in the holding cell he allowed all the overnight inmates to gang-bang him and use him as a spunk bucket in several orifices, including but not limited to his mangina fart box and mouth. Big fat Star Jones who is on that shitty show, " The View ", was not able to stop eating for long enough to make a statement on her perverted protein filled spouse.

Tom Cruise Is A Fag

2005-10-24T13:27:00.000-07:00

Tarafied Thursday

2005-10-14T10:34:00.000-07:00

With a rare combination of girlish excitement and manly restraint Comrade Thomas and Comrade Nikki decided to check out Platinum at EAST WEST last night. Arriving around 9:30 ish to a decent sized yet oddly mixed crowd. Gone were the AMW'S from the sleek chic invite. The two Sh-It Girls were no where to be found. Bubbly was popped for the special guest Comrades who left before desert was served for more fun, food and foolery down the street. Dining side walk style proved to be the smartest move of the night. Entertainment was provided for the Comrades by a very drunk and obviously attention starved Tara Reid. Ms. Reid was poured into a pair of denims easily two sizes to small which created a very unique look for her poorly lipo-sucked tummy. Yelling into her mobile and stomping back and forth to get as many looks, giggles from the many a Queen on the boulevard. We got what we wanted, I hope the little piggy got what she wanted.

Sex Degrees of Cancellation or Here Go The Gays Again Again Again And Again

2005-10-10T10:02:00.000-07:00

Actor Kevin Bacon was booked on The Today Show to promote his new film, " Where the Truth Lies ". The film has been rated NC-17 even after the orgy scene was cut. Director Atom Egoyan did not cut the man on man sex scene between Kevin Bacon and Colin Firth. The Today Show does not review nor promote movies with an MPAA rating above R. NC-17 is obviously above an R. This has been industry standard for most national morning shows for years. Mr. Bacon is now accusing The Today Show and all the morning shows of the mis-used generic word " homophobia ". America has fallen victim to a prank played on us by the gay community and perpetuated by the media. Merriam Webster defines the term homophobia as an IRRATIONAL fear of homosexuals. What does the word irrational mean ? Miss Merriam defines irrational as : not endowed with reason. Lets see. Can we think of any reasons to not show this segment on a sexually explicit film during the morning breakfast hour ? I can. Actually I can think of several that have nothing to do with homosexuality at all. The term homophobic is being thrown around with no regard to its actual meaning. I am awaiting the classic whines, whimpers and complaints from The Gays any second now. As we all know The Gays for some reason think their status as a " Special Interest Group " is a good thing. Take my word for it, its not. It's embarrassing. Be responsible, do things for yourself, base your achievements on merit not on your sexual proclivities. Double standards and demanding special treatment has been the new black for the last couple of years with this progressingly louder gaggle. Lets review. They want Gays in the military, yet enthusiastically denounce the War in Iraq. They demand Gay Marriage, yet frenziedly rally against any church for any reason at all. Give me this, because I am this. I want I want I want. Ellen hosted the Emmys. Her talk show is pretty good. I love to watch Will and Grace. Queer Eye For The Straight Guy is beyond retarded but for some reason some people like it. The Logo Channel needs no explanation to anyone who has caught more than 10 seconds of the channel that single-handedly re-invents boredom. And we all know that Bree, Susan, Edie, Gabrielle and Lynette are realing supposed to be drag queens. Inventing new rights is nothing to feel dignified about. I hope they know what they are doing. Wouldn't it be a shame if the new Axis of Evil were Cher, Liza and Clay Aiken.

Simian Jolie

2005-10-03T13:07:00.000-07:00

Momma Jolie insists that her imported litter of two respect and embrace the traditions of their homelands. Baby Zahara who was poached from the nigger patch two months ago has only begun eating solid foods recently ( see above ). It has also been reported that gook baby son Maddox' favorite dinner is fried kitty.

The Wonderful Tar Baby Story

2005-10-03T12:32:00.000-07:00

"Didn't the fox never catch the rabbit, Uncle Remus?" asked the little boy the next evening.
"He come mighty nigh it, honey, sho's you born--Brer Fox did. One day atter Brer Rabbit fool 'im wid dat calamus root, Brer Fox went ter wuk en got 'im some tar, en mix it wid some turkentime, en fix up a contrapshun w'at he call a Tar-Baby, en he tuck dish yer Tar-Baby en he sot 'er in de big road, en den he lay off in de bushes fer to see what de news wuz gwine ter be. En he didn't hatter wait long, nudder, kaze bimeby here come Brer Rabbit pacin' down de road--lippity-clippity, clippity -lippity--dez ez sassy ez a jay-bird. Brer Fox, he lay low. Brer Rabbit come prancin' 'long twel he spy de Tar-Baby, en den he fotch up on his behime legs like he wuz 'stonished. De Tar Baby, she sot dar, she did, en Brer Fox, he lay low.
"`Mawnin'!' sez Brer Rabbit, sezee - `nice wedder dis mawnin',' sezee..............(read more)

Celebrate Diversity Part II

2005-09-30T09:00:00.000-07:00

Let us celebrate our differences today.

Stunning Cunt

2005-09-27T10:44:00.000-07:00

Finally someone does something about this bitch. She has been dragging her sons' name through the mud for weeks. She's a whining national embarrassment.

Will Rita Make Them Whine Again ?

2005-09-21T10:12:00.000-07:00

With Hurricane Rita recently dropping from Category 5 to Category 3 we have to stop and wonder, " Will the Blackies lose a chance to whine and complain about their self induced problems on CNN " ? Will Celine Dion support their characteristic vulgar behavior ? Will one of the celebrated negroes ramble his or her jive on national televsion like ass-monkey Kanye ?Many immigrants come to the U.S.A. poor, not speaking the language and with a whole lot less to their name compared to all the negroes on welfare and most of the immigrants are smart enough to realize that the american dream is available to anyone who is willing to earn it. Why work or attempt to earn anything when the famous negroes like Jesse and Reverand Al will go on television and complain for you ? The chinese immigrated here and built lucrative china towns in every city nation-wide. Most cities also have a Little Saigon, Little India, Little Italy and they all do quite well ( Mexican food was not popular in the U.S.A. until guess what ? - the Mexicans immigrated here and chose work over victimology ). Most cities also have a Little Africa. They just don't call it that. They call it Watts, South Central and so on and so on. Instead of interesting ethnic restaurants and selling curio baubles and trinkets to tourists the negroids prefer to shoot each other and smoke crack. Whats wrong with them ? They have been coddled for so many years. Anyone who dares to say anything is immediately and generically labeled racist and we go on making excuses for no-good losers. " Our ancestors were slaves " Blah Blah Blah Blah. At least your ancestors worked, stupid. Africa still can't take care of itself, we did them a favor by bringing them over and giving them a chance at life. They've been free for over 200 years and accomplished nothing.

This needs to be on CNN :

I've been watching the news lately and have seen scenes that have mademe want to vomit. And no it wasn't dead bodies, the city under water, orthe sludge everywhere. It was PEOPLE'S BEHAVIOR. The people on T.V.,(99% beingBlack) were DEMANDING help. They were not asking nicely but demanding asif society owed these people something. Well the honest truth is WEDON'T.Help should be asked for in a kind manner and then appreciated. This isnot what the press (FOX in particular) was showing, what I was seeingwas a group of people who are yelling, demanding, looting, killing,raping, and SHOOTING back at the demanded help!!!!! So I'm thinking thiscan't possibly be true can it???? So I decide to submit to the DEMANDfor help out of SHOCK. I couldn't believe this to be true of themajority of the people who are the weakest of society. So I went tovolunteer and help folks out and see the truth. So I will tell thefollowing story and you decide:I arrived at the astrodome only to find out that there were too manyvolunteers and that volunteers were needed at the George R. BrownConvention Center. As I was walking up to the Convention Center Inoticed a line of cars that wrapped around blocks filled with donations.These were ordinary Houstonians coming with truckloads and trunks fullof water, diapers, clothes, blankets, food, all types of good stuff. Andlots of it was NEW. I felt that warm fuzzy while helping unload thesevehicles of these wonderful human beings. I then went inside thebuilding and noticed approximately 100,000 sq. ft. of clothes, shoes,jackets, toys and all types of goodies all organized and ready for thepeople in need. I signed up, received a name badge and was on my merryway excited to be useful.I toured the place to get familiar with my surroundings; the entireplace is probably around 2 million sq. ft. I noticed rows as far as theeye can see of mattresses, not cots, BLOW UP MATTRESSES!!! All of whichhad nice pillows and plenty of blankets. 2 to 3 bottles of water lay onevery bed.These full size to queen size beds by the way were comfortable, I laidin one to see for myself. I went to look at the medical area. I couldn'tbelieve what my eyes were seeing!!! A makeshift hospital created in 24hours!!! It was unbelievable, they even had a pharmacy. I also noticedthat they created showers, which would also have hot water. I wentupstairs to the third floor to find a HUGE cafeteria created in under 24hours! Rows of tables, chairs and food everywhere - enough to feed anarmy! I'm not talking about crap food either. They had Jason's delifood, apples, oranges, coke, diet coke, lemonade, orange juice, cookies,all types of chips and sandwiches. All the beverages by the way were puton ice and chilled!!!! In a matter of about 24 hours or less an entiremini-city was erected by volunteers for the poor evacuees. This was notyour rundown crap shelter, it was BUM HEAVEN.So that was the layout: great food, comfy beds, clean showers, freemedical help, by the way there was a library, and a theatre room that Iforgot to mention. Great stuff right????Well here is what happened on my journey -I started by handing out COLD water bottles to evacuees as they got offthe bus. Many would take them and only 20% or less said thank you. Lotsof them would shake their heads and ask for sodas! So this went on forabout 20-30 minutes until I was sick of being an unappreciated servant.I figured certainly these folks would appreciate some food!!! So I wentupstairs to serve these beloved evacuees some GOOD food that I wish Icould have at the moment!***The following statements are graphic, truthful, and discussUNRATIONALbehavior***Evacuees come slowly to receive this mountain of food that is worthserving to a king! I tell them that we have 2 types of great delisandwiches to choose from - ham and turkey. Many look at the food indisgust and DEMAND burgers, pizza, and even McDonalds!!!! Jason's deliis better than McDonalds!!!! Only 1 out of ten people who took somethingwould say "thank you" the rest took items as if it was their God givenright to be served without a shred of appreciation!!! They would ask forBeer and liquor. They complained that we didn't have good enough food.They refused food and laughed at us. They treated us volunteers as if wewhere SLAVES. No not all of them of course, but 70% did!!!!!! 20% wereappreciative, 10% took the food without any comment and the other 70%had some disgusting comment to say. Some had the nerve to laugh at us.And when I snapped back at them for being mean, they would curse atme!!! Needless to say I was in utter shock.They would eat their food and leave their mess on the table. Some wouldpick up their stuff, many would leave it for the volunteers to pick up.I left that real quick to go down and help set up some more beds. I sawmany young ladies carrying mattresses and I helped for a while. Then Irealized something. There were hundreds of able bodied young men whocould help!! I asked a group of young evacuees in their teens and earlytwenties to help.I got cursed at for asking them to help!!! One said "We just lost our"f" homes and you want us to work!!" The next said "Ya Cracker, you gota home we don't" I looked at them in disbelief. Here are women walkingby carrying THEIR BEDS and they can't lift a finger and helpthemselves!!WHY SHOULD I HELP PEOPLE WHO DON'T WANT TO HELP THEMESELVES!!!!I waved them off and turned away and was laughed at and more "white boyjokes" were made at me. I felt no need to waste my breath on a bunch ofpitiful losers. I went to a nearby restroom where I noticed a manshaving.I used the restroom, washed my hands and saw this man throw his razortowards the trash can...he missed. he walked out leaving his disgustingrazor on the floor for some other "cracker" to pick up. Even the littlekids were demanding. I saw only ONE white family and only TWO Hispanicfamilies. The rest where blacks. Sorry 20% to 30% decent blacks, and 70%LOSERS!!!!!I would call them N*****S, but the actual definition of a n*****r is onewho is ignorant, these people were not ignorant..they were ARROGANTASSHOLES. The majority of which are thugs and lifetime lazy ass welfarerecipients. We are inviting the lowest of the low to Houston. And likeidiots we are serving the people who will soon steal our cars, rape,murder, and destroy our city while stealing from our pockets on a dailybasis through the welfare checks they take. We will fund our owndestruction.By "US" I don't mean a specific race, I mean the people who work hard,work smart, have values and morals. Only people who want to helpthemselves should be helped, the others should be allowed to destroythemselves. I do not want to work hard, give the government close tohalf the money I earn so they can in turn give it to a bunch of losers.I don't believe in being poor for life. My family immigrated here, wecame here poor, and now thank God, and due to HARD WORK we are doingfine. If immigrants, who come here, don't know the language can work andbecome successful... WHY CAN'T THE MAJORITY OF THE HOMEGROWN DO IT!!! Ifwe continue to reward these losers then we will soon destroy our greatcountry. I just witnessed selfish, arrogant, unappreciative behavior bythe very people who need help the most. Now these same people who cursedme, refused my cities generosity, who refuse to help themselves areDEMANDING handouts on their own terms!!!!!!! They prance around as ifthey are owed something, and when they do receive a handout, they sayit's not good enough! Well you know what..these types of people can go to hell for all I care!

Planet Of The Grapes

2005-09-21T09:26:00.000-07:00

Ass Monkey Star Jones will be auctioning off her Emmy dress to benefit the victims of Hurricane Katrina......Gay husband not included.

Farrakhan's Flapping His Big Lips Again

2005-09-19T07:30:00.000-07:00

Nation of Islam pillar of stability Louis Farrakhan is flapping his big lips again. The idot is telling his retarded followers that the levees in New Orleans were blown up on purpose to kill all the black people in the city. Here's what the angry little monkey man had to say :

"I heard from a very reliable source who saw a 25 foot deep crater under the levee breach," Farrakhan explained. "It may have been blown up to destroy the black part of town and keep the white part dry."

I wish this raging pestering irritant would just shut the hell up and stop blaming all the blacks numerous problems on the evil evil whites and maybe he'd realize that their problems are internal, self induced and attitudinal. Victimology bores me. Move on stupid.

Monkies in the Skies

2005-09-17T12:51:00.000-07:00

The wicked wicked evil evil United States fascist policy has used its brazenly bold powers to unlawfully detain a poor poor innocent Arab-American student merely for his desire to learn, study hard and hijack our airplanes.

A university student from Egypt was ordered held without bond after prosecutors said they found a pilot’s uniform, chart of Memphis International Airport and a DVD titled “How an Airline Captain Should Look and Act” in his apartment.
The FBI is investigating whether Mahmoud Maawad, 29, had any connection to terrorists. He is awaiting trial on charges of wire fraud and fraudulent use of a Social Security number.
Maawad, who is in the United States illegally, told the judge during a hearing Thursday that he is studying science and economics at the University of Memphis.
“My school is everything. I stay in this country for seven years; I stay for the school,” he said.
Assistant U.S. Attorney Steve Parker said Thursday that the airport-related items were found during a Sept. 9 search.
“The specific facts and circumstances are scary,” Parker said

Obviously this is merely a corrupt, cold-hearted, callous, feelingless, unkind use of racial profiling coming from the un-caring Patriot Act. Apparently this is a very unfortunate mistake because we all know that ordering materials via postal mail that teach you to fly a plane, dress like a pilot and map local airports is something that we all rightfully do. The little monkey said this had to do with the facts that he had no plans to stay in our country after schooling had finished, has a case pending for wire fraud and using a false social security number. We should all feel ashamed once again for how thoughtless America has become. Shame Shame Shame on us. Maybe the ACLU will represent the poor little monkey in a case of Racial Insensitivity.

Picaninny Jolie

2005-09-15T11:10:00.000-07:00

Hello Nappy, welcome to America, land of convenience and good fortune. You will never be as pretty as your mother.

Oedipus Proof ?

2005-09-14T12:52:00.000-07:00

Wacky Apple Momma Gwennie is playing Jake's love interest ? That's so gross. The traitor is old enough to be his mom. Good thing her father Bruce Paltrow died a couple years ago, he'd be ashamed.

It's Show Time At The Apollo

2005-09-09T10:16:00.000-07:00

New NASA research shows that a 320 metre wide asteroid could come extremely close to earth in years to come. Senator Hillary Clinton vowed to spend lots and lots of money on the Top Secret Governmental Interplanetary Debris Research Program. Leading NASA researchers say the coordinates can be pinpointed exactly. The asteroid would impact the earth at 253 West 125 th Street in Harlem.

Fake Benevolence VS. Ratings, Or I Hate That Foul Woman Oprah Winfrey, Or She Has To Be Gay Because Steadman Would Never Fuck Her

2005-09-08T22:26:00.000-07:00

Selfless Oprah Winfrey and her " friend " Gayle King went down south to view/exploit the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. Live from the Houston Astrodome today Oprah brought her show and her ego to Texas. Between close up shots of Oprah crying with sad music playing in the background and extended shots of dead bodies with sad music playing in the background Oprah told her sheep like constituents that The United States of America owed these people an apology. The angelic Oprah showed piles of dead bodies on her popular daytime show repeatedly, with her melodramatic performance, accompanied brilliantly with music to " set the tone ". I wonder if Ms. Winfrey will thank the families or apologize for exploiting them when she wins the Daytime Emmy for this show. Last time she made one of these type shows it was the now cliche Starving Children in Africa topic and the showed aired twice. Once during her regular daytime slot, then once again in the evening as an " Oprah Winfrey Presents Prime Time Special ". Did that mean it qualified for two emmys' ? Oprahs lack of benevolence are hidden by her unremarkable talents as an actress and her life or death need for self promotion. If you really cared you stupid stupid annoying fat woman, just send a check and include the money you would save by not having : a camera crew, hair-makeup ( for you and your " friend " Gayle ), hotel, air-fare, accomodations, meals, trainer, massage person, spiritual advisor, fried chicken and watermelon, etc.

STD'S ?

2005-09-07T16:47:00.000-07:00

I wonder if they have HEP C ?
Pamela Anderson does.

The Kanye In The Wood Pile

2005-09-06T10:12:00.000-07:00

The very angry Kanye West is even more angry than he usually is. The kooky son of Black Panther Ray West is upset again with the evil evil conspiracy the wicked white people have against all the poor innocent black people of the world. That kooky Kanye was so tired of the oppression that the mean white people forced upon him that he made a little record about his shocking conspiratorial awareness and insider philosophy. He thanked his long-time friend Louis Farakhan when he won an award because his record was so forbidding and thought provoking ( even though it contains almost no original compositions on the entire album ).

SPOILER ALERT : Mr. Wests' new album exposes a bona fide counter plot to life in America. Did you know that crack cocaine was purposefully distributed to black people ?

Last Friday NBC was the first network to carry a concert/telethon for the hurricane. ( Since NBC had the first concert/telethon that means that they care the most. ) Our little angry friend went on the concert/telethon and surprised us all by deciding against singing, and to contribute in a different way. To the surprise of NBC and Mike Myers ( who read off the teleprompters so beautifully ) the unpredictably cross Mr. West went completely off script and grumbled to everyone that " President Bush doesn't care about black people " ( or at least thats what I thought he said - sometimes when Mr. West gets too wound up he has a little too much rhythm and " jive " and can be difficult to understand, since I don't speak jive I have taken to keeping a copy of my Ebonics text book next to the television so whenever this ever present little man is bemoaning and bellyaching I can flip through the text for a quick and handy translation). At the Live 8 concert last month the displeased Mr. West told everyone that AIDS is a man made disease designed to kill black people and was purposefully placed in Africa. My goodness, what would we all do without this delightful ( yet huffy and turbulent ) little man who has all this top secret information.

A Mind Is A Beautiful Thing To Waste

2005-09-03T12:25:00.000-07:00

Maybe if more people had paid attention to Scarlett O' Hara in Gone with the Wind and not exhausted so much time complaining about the evils of slavery they would see the wisdom in rolling up your sleeves and getting down to work. Scarlett never ever ever would be caught complaining about her life on CNN. She'd be too busy doing something about it herself.

Semencrest Out !

2005-09-02T10:02:00.000-07:00

Last night I had a dream. I dreamt I was watching the next season of American Idol. The lights dim, the intro to The Weather Girls' It's Raining Men begins slowly, gradually building as an enchanted shiny brass pole appears on stage to reveal an insufficiently dressed Ryan Seacrest gyrating and oscillating while young girls scream, faint and rush the stage to stuff money into his Victoria's Secret panties. I better stop, now I'm getting turned on. Two weeks ago Ryan " Why the fuck do I know who you are " Seacrest was the recipient of the torch passed by Dick Clark himself in a personal phone call. ABC had originally reported that the two would share duties on the networks New Years Rockin Eve. Reading this got me thinking. Who is Ryan Seacrest ? The 102.7 KIIS-FM host and analyst/host of Fox's American Idol reminds me of those pansy boys at school who hung out with the girls but never fucked them. This hobbit-like ass clown is the biggest joke in Los Angeles radio. He's beyond a joke. Aside from being horrible, ugly, short, and gay he is utterly annoying. Continually trading his juvenille barbs and virtually undoing all the constructive comments Simon Cowell makes to the contestants. Often times kissing their ass so much I sometimes expect him to blow the voters. His radio show is no better. He passes off adolescent bits as entertainment that are overwhelmingly clueless and embarrassing. Last year in a demonstration of true masculinity he booted Janice Dickenson off the show after she sat on his lap asked him what his " girlfriend " called him in bed and stuck her head between his legs. What a stud. He actually wouldn't be such a bad host if he would just shut up. Maybe American Idol can bring back his ex-lover Brian Dunkleman. Or does Mr. Semencrest fear the gentle touch of another man ?

Please Like Me More Than Terri

2005-09-01T18:28:00.000-07:00

Celebrate Diversity

2005-08-31T11:14:00.000-07:00

Kitty tastes like chicken.

2005-08-30T12:55:00.000-07:00

Whores Part II

2005-08-30T11:42:00.000-07:00

Ryan Seacrest HA HA HA HA HA HA

Hey Cracky, what's up ?

Pretty Girl.

Whats wrong here ?

Whores and Stuff

2005-08-29T18:07:00.000-07:00

Hmmmmm.
Gypsy Hobo Crack Whore.
Trimspa
Jessicas' panties.
Loves it.
Oink Oink Oink My husband is not gay.

JLo farts.

She's Just Having Fun

2005-08-24T12:04:00.000-07:00

???

2005-08-23T11:25:00.000-07:00

Cooking wine ?

Dancing lollipop tweek chic crack whore.

Kirsten and sex lover Jake check out prenatal vitamins,

Hillary lost her baby fat just like Lindsey.

The pregnancy only lasted one day.

More gay ? ( At first I thought it was Ryan Seacrest )

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

No Britney ! No ! No ! No !

The Power of The Pussy

2005-08-22T09:56:00.000-07:00

Desperate times call for desperate measures. Of the Sunday hits 15 nominations , Eva herself is the sole housewife sans nod ( Nicollette doesn't really count).
Page Six reports the following :

August 22, 2005 -- DESPERATE housewife Eva Longoria says she only discovered her sexual self after she got some pruning done in an intimate area. "It was when I was 25 or 26," the star, 30, told the Mirror in London. "I never waxed or really paid attention to that area. It opened the door to a whole new sexual side of me. Getting in touch with your inner sex goddess would begin with the Brazilian wax."

Who cares about her recovery from the set accident last week when we now know that there is no hair on her lady bloom.

Gayification

2005-08-19T11:12:00.000-07:00

- Do the men in film and televsion look unusually clean ? Audrey Hepburn once said that men should smell just a little bit. Todays man uses Body Spray by Gillette.
A fashion magazine for boys ? On September 6 2005 Anna Wintour debuts Mens Vogue with George Clooney on the cover ( remember his cod-piece and nipples in Batman and Robin ). Who is this magazine for ? Faggy gay-vague personal shoppers ? Everything is gay now. Have you seen the newly remodeled Backstreet Boys ? They look like Queer Eye For The Straight Guy. Even straight people are gay now. Did you see Troy ? I mean come on, Alexander the Great was a little gay for real so it made sense for Colin and his dress but why did they have Achilles the soldier and " mightiest of the greeks " prancing around in a mini skirt and flipping his hair ? And what about the gay blonde hair Brad has now ? If he gets any gayer Angelina will have to do an african fertility dance. Turn on any network daytime ( or night-time ) soap opera and see oiled up, shaved, plucked and probably douched shirtless men flexing and showing off their manicured arm-pit hair. Promosexual is the new metrosexual. Jesse Metcalfe who is supposed to be banging Eva Longoria on Desperate Housewives looks like he would be more useful at David Geffens Fire Island hide-away. Esquire magazines' " The Best Dressed Real Men in America " has got to be some sort of inside joke. The top five ( three of them have to be bottoms ) " Real Men " look like they just returned from a shopping excursion with Carson Kressley. Maybe Jerry Falwell wasn't so far off, the male Tinky Winky did carry a red vinyl purse.

Madonnas' Fall ( From Grace ) or Like A Hot Flash or Like An Idiot

2005-08-18T15:13:00.000-07:00

Madonna ( Queen Esther of Dolce and kabbalah fame ) and her fake accent fell of her horse yesterday. Like a prayer lets all hope she pulls a Christopher Reeve and we never ever have to hear her speak, sing, or act again ( besides Evita name one movie she did not ruin just by being in it ). Imagine if you will a Guy Ritchie pushing the aging wop around in a wheel chair with her speaking tube. If only. She's been falling for quite a while now. She grows more boring by the minute. I cannot think of one person I know who actually went to her last tour. Apparently in her highly original and thought provoking show she took the stage and did a shocking counterfeit lesbian sex thing with one of her dancer/hookers, sang " Papa don't preach " backed by pregnant dancer/hookers, sang " American Life " to a backdrop of sad iraqi children dying and bombs falling ( side bar : Were you as shocked as I was to find out that Madonna was a liberal and disapproves of the war ? - How controversial of her ), then sang a cover of one of the worst songs ever written " Imagine " with yet another montage of sad starving children, then horror of horrors her shamefully nauseating finale ( an Alice Cooper hijack from 30 years ago ) she's executed in an electric chair. OH MY GOODNESS ! What a crazy wacky inventive gal. How does she think of these surprising gimmicks ? Its time to put the horse out to pasture ( both of them ).

Hollywood Cock: Leading Man Style

2005-08-17T12:51:00.000-07:00

Judes' penis is making its internet debut today. His ding-dong joins Brad,Colin, and Tom in the smut trade starfuck fascination of Hollywood Cock. Of the four pricks on display here ( actually there really are eight pricks ) Brads pee-pee seems to be the biggest of the three. Which isn't saying much. Even he could use a few extra inches. None of them have anything on uber-endowed Tommy Lee. ( Side-bar : As Comrade Nikki pointed out to me last night on the patio at Guy's on Beverly Blvd. - Tommy Lee and Pamela had to be on Ecstasy - no one loves each other that much ). Judes' johnson doesn't seem compatible to his playboy reputation. It seems very small. Is this the same penis that the spunk bucket horny nanny got fucked with ? I feel let down. I wanted to see a humongous beef bayonet that was used to harpoon her little english clam.

They Eat Dogs

2005-08-12T10:09:00.000-07:00

Like it or not our country is at war. Accept it stupid.What the hell is retard Angelina Jolie doing receiving citizenship from Cambodia ? Cambodia ? She picked one of the most fucked up countries on the planet. In this country you see commercials on TV like, " Dog...the other white meat". I wouldn't be surprised if they eat their young too. What the fuck ? First she gets a gook baby from them and now this shit. Less than one hundred years ago we used to shoot people for shit like this. I wish we still did. Someone needs to line her up along side that pillar of stability Jane Fonda ( remember her vegetable gas bus ), fucking aim a rifle at the two cunts and let it rip. Might as well shoot the fucking ugly little documented aliens someone told her to buy too. There are starving white children in Burbank yet this genius goes to the rice paddy fields and the nigger patch to get these appalling twatlings. I hope she gets spinal meningitis too. She so deserves it. Do you think Angelina would like my Post-Vietnam collection of gook baby heads ?

Taradise Trumps Jolie

2005-08-11T12:32:00.000-07:00

I hate anyone who rattles on and on about boring Angelina Jolie every time she goes to one of those problematic fucked up bankrupt countries to pass out powered milk to poor people, and adopt ethnic children, with fake dirt on her face. Its not her idea stupid. It is done for movie press. Its probably covered in her promotional duties in some sort of studio contract. Angelina was way better when she cut herself, wore Billy Bobs blood around her neck, jumped in the pool after the Golden Globe win, rode on motor cycles, banged her brother and was sometimes a lesbian. That was all kind of cool. Now she's just dumb. Tara Reid is the one to be applauded. On E!'s Wild On Tara she excercises perhaps the most sincere human relations dimplomacy in the history of politics. She's bringing the American party all over the world. According to E! " She's improving world relations one party at a time ". I agree. I totally agree. " Welcome to Taradise, Would you like a glass of Carnation Powdered Milk Beverage or a Red Bull and Vodka? You do the math. Which would some fucked up jungle bush-bitch prefer ? The liquid cocaine wins everytime ( maybe then the bush-bitch could be taught something something useful like the benefit of planting seeds ). This is the way to go people. Instead of us continually pouring billions into these failure countires lets try something ( anything ) else. So call up the CMO panel and give the medal to Tara.

Ass

2005-08-09T11:51:00.000-07:00

This is hard news these days. Katie Holmes ass. To the left is an article in a periodical about Katie Holmes ass. I read it and I don't even know why ( side bar : that is so another story for another day ). Whoever is the deranged puppeteer these days who pulls Tom Cruise strings has totally faked us all out. The puppeteer paraded the 5'5" actor and his fake girlfriend around the world on a press junket. He has successfully boosted his career and the weirdo sci-fi cult he belongs to and everyone is stupid enough to believe the entire charade. He's not sincere he's been told to star in some sort of skit played out right before our gullible eyes. It's so fake.

If I Could Choose

2005-08-08T12:48:00.000-07:00

RIP Peter Jennings 1938-2005

Too bad it wasn't Dan Rather.

E !'s Wild On Rehab

2005-08-05T18:10:00.000-07:00

Every actor dreams of that one role in their career for which they will always be defined by and remembered for. Anthony Hopkins - Hannibal Lector, Christopher Reeve - Superman, Carrie Fisher - Princess Lea, Desi Arnaz - Ricky Ricardo, Liza Minelli - Sally Bowles, Vivian Leigh - Scarlett O' Hara, Sean Connery - James Bond, John Travolta - Danny Zuko, Elizabeth Taylor - Cleopatra and lucky Julie Andrews is both Maria Von Trapp and Mary Poppins. Following the recent shameful set backs at the box office from "Alone in the Dark" and "My Boss's Daughter" actress Tara Reid has found the role she was perhaps born to play. On August 10, 2005 Miss Reid will step in to fill the shoes of Brooke Burke as host of E!'s Wild On series. According to E!'s website Miss Reid will be " improving world relations, one party at a time". In case you are not familiar with this show, each week the host ventures to " the worlds hottest party spots " to watch intoxicated twenty-somethings getting drunk and taking off their clothes. Big stretch, right ? First up Tara travels to Greece to hook up with partner in crime Gal-Pal Paris Hilton. The two get drunk and go to a party. I'm not really sure what the producers have planned for the rest of the season but Tara should be thankful she has found this new role. For the next month or so she will not have to worry about the shame of being seated at Omarossa's table.

Jihadistan Sucks

2005-08-04T14:49:00.000-07:00

What is it with these losers ? Al Qaeda's deputy leader is threatening us again. This fool is sitting next to his gun wearing his turban in front of a rock. Who is this weirdo ? I am so over the muslims. It's always their fault and as long as I can remember they always start all the shit. They need to grow up and knock off their stupid little jihad ( Side Bar: Jihad ? What the fuck ? Whats up with that ? Thats so dumb. We might come back to that. ) and be thankful that America does any business at all with their shitty little countries anyway. These idiots are getting way to big for their britches. Who do they think they are ? Us ? They think they're so much better than us. These monkies make the Ku Klux Klan look saintly.

Love To Hate You

2005-08-03T14:32:00.000-07:00

Last night during Entertainment Tonight on CBS , I used my new Moxi by Adelphia to double check what I thought I heard Mary Hart say about Jennifer Aniston. Miss Hart actually said, " Jennifer is shown in Augusts' Vanity Fair magazine mourning the divorce from husband Brad Pitt in black panties by La Perla ". Am I the only one who notices how wrong that is ? Whats even worse is that it is highly likely that somewhere in middle America there are people who are just a little bit intimidated by JLo. Don't you remember how upset you got when you found out that Ben smoked ?

They're Gross

2005-08-02T12:02:00.000-07:00

Saudi Arabia has a new king because the old one is dead. Does he get the seventy-two virgins just the same as the monkey terrorists do ? Apparently when one of these beige savages dies they get the girls as some sort of dirty bonus system. A Muslim of the Month Club. This is my question. Since arabs are so ugly and they smell bad what happens if none of the seventy-two virgins wants to have sex with them ?

Hotdog Not So Hot

2005-08-01T09:48:00.000-07:00

Hotdog officially closed it's doors early sunday morning. And guess what ? I'm glad. Since the article in that stupid Frontiers came out last month, the most retarded friend-quota Weho nerds and fools have infested and ruined what was actually almost a cool club. Cool clubs are rare in this town and the Weho geek squad has destroyed another. People talk way too much here. Hotdog used to be totally kick - back, loud, drunk, we don't care if you smoke pot on the balcony, rockin and rollin place. Then the embarassing gays ( and by that I mean the try too hard fashion fags, the horny shirtless crystal queers, the practically NAMBLA-esque in sickness and in wealth intergenerational couples, the gay nerds, the way too Out/Loud/Proud/ professional homosexuals who love to hate the catholic church, and last but certainly not least the famous fags and the HIVIP'S ) read Frontiers magazine (which apparently somebody told them was some sort of gay manuel with instructions ) and dutifully marched in and that was the end of that.

He's So Retarded

2005-07-31T11:01:00.000-07:00

Does anyone know what's wrong with Jonathan Antin ? Even his name is stupid. Its not Johnathon or even Jonathon. It's JonaTHAN. THAN ? What is that ? Aside from his munchkin-like qualities I have never seen anyone try so hard to be taller. I hate short men. They're the biggest pussies. Remember when he got mad and punched the wall with his elbow ? My friend Nikki pointed out to me that if he were a real man he would have used his fist and not cared if he broke it. The midget didn't want to hurt his hand so he could still style ladies hair at his beauty shop. On a more recent episode while driving his mercedes and looking at himself in the mirror the midget's actual words were, " I've never seen my hair so bangin ". Bangin ? Whats so bangin about his hair, and just exactly how is it different from any other guy ( it's so wrong to call him a guy ) in Hollywood. He told Campbell Brown on the Today Show, " I'm having a baby ". I hope the little genius meant that his girlfriend " Sescie" was going to have a baby. I don't even think he's gay. He's too dumb to be gay. He's just short.

Cindy Rocks

2005-07-30T14:15:00.000-07:00

Is it a refection of the company I keep ? Or maybe I've been in Hollywood too long ? Anyway, the most intelligent thing I have heard in days came from Gossip Columnist Cindy Adams. Have a look at what the New York Gossip Queen said in The Post yesterday.

AREN'T we lucky? Isn't it great? We have patriotic ingrate Jane Fonda, the multiple divorceé who was born with a silver hoof in her mouth, acting as spokespig for our country again. Although she's born here, isn't there a way we can throw her out since her basic career is to bad-mouth the United States of America? If being a smoker is against the law, how about being a traitor? If spitting on the sidewalk is not allowed, how come spitting on the U.S.A. is OK? If double-parking gets a fine, shouldn't there be some small punishment for treason?
Hanoi Jane taking the money she made in this God-blessed country and spending it on a nationwide oink against us? Hanoi Jane who in 1972 betrayed United States prisoners of war during the blood-filled Vietnam days? Harming our nation and then apologizing just long enough to sell a book, a video or a monster of a movie? Three husbands left her. The whole rest of us should, too.
While signing her book someplace, this woman announced a hideous anti-Iraq bus tour she intends to take. She now announces she'll take her 32-year-old son, Troy, with her. Isn't anyone going to stop this? Isn't there some law against this? And her kid's comment about why mummy dearest is doing it? "I guess she thinks it's time for people to do something."
I know what they can do. They can drive her the hell out of here. Look, we don't all favor this war, but we do favor our country. Right or wrong, it's our country. We love it. We support it. We do not help the enemy.

Cindys' great.